How do you move on??????

Okay this is a question i have that is very deep I guess you could say. I have been struggling with some things well many things that I have been keeping to my self.Things that I have not wanted others to know. So these are the questions or the problems how ever you want top look at it. It has really been hard from a christian stand point. You see all the preaching I hear says you stay married. As they preach they all say that it has been straight hard preaching that has keep them coming home to there wives every night that it has been the word of God that has keep them faithful. It has been God that has keep them from drinking and parting and saying hurt full things. I so see that. you see since the day I got saved I know not to talk to other men i know that not going to church makes you weak. That when you don't feed your soul your flesh can take over. Once you get saved there are things you just don't do or want to do. So when you and your spouse have both been in church under the same preaching how can you see or do some things i wander.every time i hear the preacher preach about how you just don't do somethings it makes me look back at the past few years and i say how could my spouse do some of the things that he has. It brings up the whole hurt thing again. you see a year ago we were so going to get a divorce and somethings happened and as i hear the man of God preach it makes me question how could this have happen is my hubby lost? He says no he is saved so i just don't understand. I so seem to not be able to get over somethings that have happened i have prayed and prayed and it seems to be getting worse. I m so struggling with the things that have happened that past 13 years. Not only on his part but mine also. I don't want this to hurt us both what do you do i have read and prayed and then the preacher preaches and i start to think why its like it brings it back up again i just don't understand. how do i move on?

The talk

yeah we had a nice long talk today. Did we get any were not really sure. He says he will miss no more birthdays and will not be gone on the week-ends. I told him I hope so. I was getting very tired. So we will see if he means it. I so want believe it is almost Christmas man this month flew by. It is hard to believe we are almost in the year 2008. I cant believe how time goes by.Jeannie when you read this i will go into so much more latter with you. I did not cry. Just keep praying. Well i don't know if i will get a chance to blog much seeing how my hubby is home and it is almost Christmas.

Home where is Home?

okay I have been watching the movies that are like the best ever. They are Love come softly, Loves abiding joy, Loves enduring promise, Loves long journey, Loves unending legacy, Loves Unfolding Dream. These are such awesome love stories. In one of the movies the little boy said this is not home and the mom told him home is were you are always welcome and are never alone. So i started to think were do I feel at home at. A place that I feel safe and welcome were I am so happy to get to well that place is church. How great is that to feel you are at home when you show up there. That is how I feel. I'm not alone when I'm at church and right now it seems that i am alone a lot. That is my safe haven. I love being there. Not only does my soul get feed but I get some of the companionship that i miss so much since my husband is gone so much. Which I am glad I am getting it from church and no were else. This blogging thing has been helping me also get some of my feelings out. It is helping me to see who I am and who I want to be. I think that if people get there feeling s out and are honest even when it hurts. They grow by leaps and bonds. We can only grow and be happy when we are open and honest about it all. I think so many people hide how they feel or what they want because of pride or not wanting to except what has happened. So they lie to them selves and others of fear of hurting someone when in the end they hurt them selves. This is kinda were I'm at right now I'm very confused about so many things but i know that no matter what others the church or my kids or spouse think. i must be true to who i am and what i want. And when i am there i will find happiness.

Why are men so dumb?????

Please some one answer what goes on in there thick heads? Is there any one out there who has a traveling spouse and goes threw what i am going threw? Is it me? I just don't get it. I so want to handle this in a Biblical way and it is making it so hard on me. I want to be in the center of Gods will. I m so scared what if i make the wrong decision? What do you do i have prayed and prayed and it seems to be getting worse it is taking its toll on me as a wife ,mother, friend,and woman.what do you do . I just want to be happy and loved and have some one to be there no matter what to know where I stand on there to do list so to speak. Are all men like that do they just write about those guys that call you just to say hey or those that will give it all up just to be with you or is it only in love stories. I need help in so many ways.

How Can you go all day with out talking to the ones you love?

I just dont get it my husband travels a lot as you most know and he can go all day till night time till he talks to us. How is that I just don't get it. I talked with him last night around 9 and i have tried to call him twice today no answer of course. It is almost 6 here and that means it is around 5 there and no answer as always. I will no here from him until tonight after he goes out to eat with the guys and then comes in to his hotel room. Who can go all day like that if you are in love with someone you would want to know that all was okay at home before it had been 24 hours. This is so pushing me to my point of no return!!!!! I feel like I'm a ticking time bomb. I so can not take this any more !!!!!!!!!!!!

Marriage What is a Marriage?

What is a marriage i ask. So many people have different ides of what on is. My idea is a marriage is a team effort. It is not only good times but bad times to. it is a dance so to speak. You see we all grow at different speeds and when you get married you start the dance. one speeds up the other must change there tempo or you are all out of wack. The most part of marriages can adjust there tempos to get back to the same beat. What if you cant get the same tempo what do you do. Life is a dance. i remember a country song from back in the day called that life is a dance you learn as you go and it is so true. Marriage is so much more than the big events you know holidays, birthdays ,having babies ,buying a home and so on. It is those everyday things. The look you give one another that says so much with out saying a word. Or that touch that makes your heart melt. The call that you get threw out the day that is to just check on you. the call,because the other one just cant go more than a few hours with out knowing you are okay. A marriage is when you can sit down and say hey I'm struggling with this and they say hey don't worry we will get threw it it will all be okay. A marriage is not going 8 plus hours and not talking to each other. a marriage is not sitting there quietly when the other calls with bad news. A marriage is so much more. A marriage is not about sex it is so much more. You know that you have a great marriage when if you were no longer able to have an intimate relationship that you would be okay because you have a COMPANIONSHIP.

What I Want

A friend of mine had blogged with this title and man did it home with me. You see it really got me to thinking. I want a companion some one to talk to and laugh with someone to cry with and pray with. That's what I want. I get so tired of being alone. I'm always alone its just me and my kids. I have a friend who's husband calls her all the time he calls as soon as she gets off the bus as soon as she does anything and as we were talking it was like that is what a companion is.He calls even while he is on the job he has to talk to her 4 or more times a day. I go all day with out talking to mine i call and always get the voice mail i have even told him call at this time because i would be going to the doc or something and i would not get a call so i would call him and no answer as always. I cant stand not having a companion to talk with I depend so much on my friends and my kids.So all i want is a companion.

Alvin and the chimpmunks

I took the kids to go see this movie today and it gets a 5 star. We laughed so hard. I cant wait till i can buy it.You all must go see this movie.




Christmas parties


man I have had way to many and of course as all ways it is me taking the kids by my self.so i run back to our church to take the kids to theres go to a friends to have a cup of coffee then off to pick the kids back up then run back to Charlotte for my Christmas party.The ladies in my housing development get to gather once a month to cut up and have fun.we had a ball and as always my dh is gone It has been really bothering me how much he is gone. It as if he is a ghost husband. And we will go Christmas shopping all by ourselves with out my hubby tomorrow. oh boy what fun!!!!sometimes i wish he would just say i have to find another job i cant take missing anymore of my kids or my wifes life.

My husband sent me this and it is so funny

My boxer!

I have never seen a dog that is a chocohloc this dog is so into anything sweet.She goes crazy if you are eating anything sweet she will bark at you until you give her some.My oldest daughter was eating oreos and she was going crazy well then she came over here to me sniffing for them so i gave her one and she was so happy she ate it and then crawled up on the bed and is in heaven.Last night we got oreos and the kids left them out and she ate them all so i got some more and seeing her go crazy for them made me laugh so hard.If we go get krispy kreams she is the same way .This dog loves sweets anything sweet she wants and beggs for.I have nevr seen a dog like that.

The results are in!!!

I had my biopsy tuesday and i got the results today it is a fibroid tumor that is NON cancers.Praise the Lord.I did make it to church last night and i Thought I would die I was in so much pain by the time services was over I was almost in tears.I will be glade when the stiches come out.God is so good even when i fell him he still is good.I must say even if the results would have been the other way I could have still said he is good.As you walk with the Lord it is amazing hoe he shows you things sometimes i wonder why.Then he reminds me we have free will so when we do make the wrong dessions He will be there when we make the right.I want to give God my all everthing about me in so many ways i want my family to be all Gods.It may be hard to do with my hubby alwats away and not able to go to church.I trust the Lord what ever he sees fit he will aloww.I feel so thankful for what God has done for me.

A travleing spouse!!!!!!!!

AS some of you may have known from my past blogs my hubby travels a whole lot. So I'm a single mom in many ways and it is so taking its toll on me!!! It has been a year and a half since he got the job. It is like every thing that happens in this family he is always gone so I'm left to deal with it all by my self.It gets so lonely at times i wake up alone and go to bed alone. Then when he is home i want some me time I'm so ready for a break from being the mom and dad there is no me and him. The kids miss him so much so when he is home i want him to be with them ! they are only young once and they need this time with there dad. It is so crazy they say a broken home hurts the kids well mine is not a broken home but in many ways it is. When he is home it is him and the kids i kinda step back when he is gone it is me and the kids. we are on such different pages. He is so tired when He comes homes. which i can see why.Then there is the whole church thing he is never with me there and it bothers me so bad.I would sell everything we have to have that on fire for the Lord family.The only problem is he loves his job he is so happy there he loves what he does. Which is great I'm so happy that he finally has a job he loves but it is costing us our very family.I think about the kids in so many ways they are growing up with out there dad. He misses the every day things. It is so hard i feel a lone in so many ways.We have been threw so much in our marriage and i feel as if we are not married any more we are room mates and i know that is not how God wants it. I try to say something to him but he says you want me to quit my job. It seems like we are growing in different directions he wants different things then i do. I look at what will we do when the kids are gone if he is still traveling i guess i will stay with my kids. What kind of life is that? He says he is happy and i don't get it how can you be happy when you are never at home?I think at times is that why he is happy he is not here every day to have to do the things we do that get you all crazy.When he is home for more than a few days he gets so irritable. How do you handle it . It gets so discouraging.

awesome song

getting to know you

Directions! Now, Here Is What You Are Supposed To Do...And Please Do Not Spoil The Fun!
Copy & Delete My Answers And Type In Your Answers. Then Post to Your BLOG.
Let me know so I can See Your Answers too! The Theory Is That You Will Learn A Lot or Little Known Facts About Those You Know or dont. . Remember To let me know.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?my dad
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME . YOU CRIED?last night at church
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?no
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?Ham
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?yes 4
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?sure would
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?you bet i do
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?sure and they hurt right now!
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?no way
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?frosted flakes
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?no
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?no it depends
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?tcby
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?shoes
15. RED OR PINK?red
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?worry
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?my mama
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?i do
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?none im in my pjs.
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?meatloaf
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?the kids
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?Purple
23. 2 FAVORITE SMELLS?fresh cut grass
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?my hubby
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?i do
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?ufc and the cowboys stink!!!!
27. HAIR COLOR?brown
28. EYE COLOR?blue green
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?yeap
30. FAVORITE FOOD?to many to list
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?happy endings
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?barbie island princess
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?my hubbys blue t shirt
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?Spring & Fall
35. HUGS OR KISSES?huggs
36. FAVORITE DESSERT?to many
37. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?having a mary heart in a martha world
38. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?none i have a lap top
39. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T. V. LAST NIGHT?no tv for me yesterday
40. FAVORITE SOUND?rain storm
41. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?neither simion and garfunkle
42. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?new york
43. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?sure do
44.Where were you born.shelby

Work

Since I have started teaching I think i have lost my mind. The kids love going to school with me and Get a big kick out of it.

Christopher wrote a j in cursive today. I'm so proud since he is only 2.Bethany is doing great Still cant get over 4 year old writing in cursive.

got some of the Christmas shopping done.This weekend while Chris was home.hope to post more this weekend.

Why oh Why

Why is it that one thing happens it seems to cause a train of events. It seems like you get your head above water and a down poor comes.I think one of the biggest problems is money and alot we just do our self. Last month we had a very high power bill 900 bucks it was for both houses. Along with thanksgiving dinner well that took all our money.Then it made going into DEC tight now it is the car needs a new rim the oil needs changed,and we need to get Christmas shopping done.To top it all off my hubby is out of town.Which is a good thing but a bad you see Prayed that the Lord would help and he did he gave my hubby the chance to make extra money.So i see God is working but he cant get the money till he gets back which will be after Christmas.I guess I'm worrying about nothing because it is only the first i have 22 days for him to make a way.