Im still here.

So it has been a while since i have blogged.Why you ask well it has been a rough few days.My dh had to leave after only being home 2 days so that so bummed me out.We have been in the middle of looking for a home.It has been fun and scary I just want to run away far away.Change is hard and scary.You want to and then you get scared. what if i don't like it.We need more space.What if we end up hating the area.I'm not as worried about me as i am my dh.he is one that doesn't like change.Who knows maybe with all this traveling he has done he has seen another side out there other then this small country town .He maybe ready to go more than i think he is.Some times i just want to walk away from it all and start over.is there any one else out there that ever feels that way?We are looking at moving to the big city.I look at it from a point of there are so many more things to do since i do home school there is so much more going on to take the kids to.As i have looked at the homes i have seen there are so many home school's there.I miss my dh so bad I'm not getting to talk to him and i hate it.i have been so down in the dumps i don't want to get out of bed.I want him home so bad i wish i could at least talk to him for more than a good night love you and that's it.I don't know what it is that has gotten into me it seems like i cant get nothing done i mean nothing I'm in slow mode.I wish i could snap out of it.you know some times i want to just drop it all and leave start a whole new life.I just don't know were all this is coming from I have a great hubby and we are happy well i know i am with him. we have a great church .God is so there.Great kids.Just a dead dried up town.Is it because my dh has been gone alot and i just need to see him more.is it that I'm couped up in this small home with 4 kids and no were to put stuff and nothing to go do.What is the Lord doing i wander.I know he has already done so much he has gave me a love like i have never known.The best part is if we move to the big city we will still be able to go to our church.I wish some times i could blink my eyes and it all be done the house picked the bags packed and it all be done.It has scared me in the fact i worry what if i pick the wrong house. we have found well i have found 5 i like a lot. they all are different in size some new some not they are all with in 15 mins of each other. just different developments.as i look at them .which one do i want ones bigger but then the other is new but which housing development do you want. I'm so scared at making the wrong dission.looking at the out side they are all nice some a Little nicer and then the others are bigger. i Can see us all living in all of them but which one will be the best this is such a scary thing. I'm afraid what if i pick the wrong home .go with the nicer looking outside but smaller in side or the average out side but larger in side.what to do what to do.